Santa Claus (1959)
94 Minutes
Director: Rene’ Cardona
Writers: Adolfo Torres Portillo, Rene’ Cordona
Before Cuban born Rene’
Cardona hit his low budget directorial stride in the 1960’s with messy horror
exploitation shockers such as Dr. Doom, Night of the Bloody Apes and Mexican
wrestling absurdities like Santo and the Vengeance of the Mummy and Santo Contra
Los Cazadores de Cabezas ( “Head Hunters”) he directed this tender, warm
hearted, and absolutely bizzaro Santa Claus film which relies heavily on
Christian lore and literally elevates Santa to the celestial heavens above the
North Pole in a floating crystal palace lined with silver and gold. From this
vantage point he can keep his eye and ear focused on all the children of the
planet. He is assisted by an absent minded wizard Merlin and a cheerful group
of small children from all over the world. The opening scene introduces the
children in what looks like a hastily thrown together Worlds Fair exhibit
hosted at Disneyland. “Here are gathered the boys and girls of different races
and creeds,” explains the omnipresent narrator, “They have come from many lands
to help Santa bring joy and happiness to all of the Earth’s children.” They all
sing and play music from their native lands and do so rather poorly. But what really
catches the eye in Santa’s “Toyland” is the observation tower where a giant pair
of lips reports, a creepy master eye surreptitiously observes, and a very big
disembodied human ear listens. A machine the “Dream Watcher” is also employed
to see into a child’s dreams. Pee Wee would have a blast in this
place!
The Master Eye
The Conflict: In
Hell, Lucifer assigns his minion Pitch with sabotaging Santa’s mission lest he
be forced to eat chocolate ice cream instead of his required diet of hot coals.
A long dance routine of Lucifer’s
minions – reminiscent of the Right of Spring dance in the Big Lebowski - punctuates
how serious he is about ruining Christmas. For Santa’s part, we know who he
answers to and it’s not the FISA court and it’s not Dick Cheney but a higher power.
One of the first things we see Santa do in his palace is fuss with his
miniature nativity scene to get the baby Jesus positioned just right before his
trip to earth. But Santa is also burdened with a punishment: If he doesn’t get
his shit done by dawn his four hardworking Mexican reindeer will turn to dust!!
Why only four? The others are in an ICE detention facility if you know what I
mean. Santa f-ing Christ I love the tension in this story.
Pitch Blows
The Principle Players:
Still in his crystal palace, Santa uses the Dream Machine to enter the mind of
a rich Mexican child who wants nothing more than to be loved by his
self-absorbed parents. He dreams of waking on Christmas morning and rushing
downstairs to find two giant boxes next to the Christmas tree. Guess what’s
inside? Is it Mr. and Mrs. Pee Wee Herman? No, you
guessed it: His parents covered in
blood. No, of course not, his parents covered in love and smiles. Santa then focuses the Dream
Machine on a poor Mexican girl named Lupita. She wants nothing more than a doll.
She is in the midst of her own Devil dream brought on by Pitch who blows on her
– yes that’s what he does in this movie he blows on things to fan the flames so
to speak - to induce a dream filled with creepy life size rag dolls emerging
from 11 boxes into a room of fog to dance
around poor little Lupita begging her to steal what she so covets. But
Lupita resists because she is poor and good hearted and too ignorant to
understand the advantages of white collar crime. Finally, there are three bad boys whom Pitch
nudges to throw rocks through a department store window to get what they want.
Easily influenced by the Devil they don’t deserve shit and Santa doesn’t bother
to look into their minds at all but levels a stern warning from his crystal
palace. This scares the boys and they skidaddle but their naughty impulses are
nigh abated. Oh well F them. As a
result, Pitch easily corrupts the boys as the story continues and later, when
on earth, Santa will give them nothing but coal. Sooooooo Santa eventually gets
his ass into the sleigh and sets off from his crystal palace larded with
presents and a bag of tricks to distribute judgement.
Santa’s Got a Brand
New Bag: Santa’s bag of tricks consist of a magic electrified key that will
unlock any door on the planet, a beautiful flower with which to appear and disappear
and “The Powders for Dreaming” that enable post hypnotic suggestions for
those he decides need it. In the interest of time, money, and your own
sanity the story sticks to the five kids introduced in Act 1.
Santa Gives Hope to
Some: Santa drops by each of the kids houses and makes a special visit to
the rich kids’ parents at a hoity toity restaurant. He wards off pitch at each
turn except with the 3 bad kids. Granted the bad kids’ parents are never present
but should they be punished for shitty parenting? Santa does however give extra
attention to the rich kid. While his parents are out on the town Santa visits
the somber child at his home with his heart aching for his parents to come home
and be with him on Christmas Eve. He induces a dream state in the child and
reminds him that his parents truly love him and will see the error of their
ways. He then shows up as the waiter at the posh dinner the parents are
attending and, as with the movie Ben Hur, we never see Jesus’ err Santa’s
face, but we do see his arm extending a “Cocktail of Remembering” to the rich
and forgetful SOBs. They partake and remember they miss something, their beloved child and rush home post haste to be with him. Santa then makes it to Lupita’s house
where her parents look really depressed about their abject poverty on Christmas
Eve. What can they do? The mother clutches her cross and prays for a miracle. Her prayers are answered as Santa leaves a doll on the door step. No time
for dreams, lectures or cocktails just a doll that mysteriously appears at the
nadir of their holiday misery. Not actually seeing Santa, the mother then thanks
Jesus for the doll and at least one night of drunken recriminations is
postponed. Two snowy white Merkins. Check it out over the holidays.
THE END
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